(Updated November 12, 2020, to include Jo Ann Hardesty, Mitch McConnell, and Nancy Pelosi.)
There exists unshakable evidence that a race of alien reptilians came to our planet thousands of years ago and has since surreptitiously manipulated politics through an international shadow government. The proof is too dense and complex for this hard-hitting piece, but if you’re interested in opening your eyes to the real world, you can find some explanation here.
Some lizards you may already be familiar with include, but are not limited to: The Clintons, Jeff Bezos, Donald Rumsfeld, Donald Trump (basically Godzilla), Alex Jones, The Kardashians/Jenners (all of them), The Romanov Dynasty, The Kennedy Dynasty, The Hapsburg Dynasty (not all reptilians hide it very well), Osama Bin Laden, Elizabeth Warren (if she isn’t Native American, then what is she?), Silvio Berlusconi, Jo Ann Hardesty, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro, The Egyptian Deity, Sobek, and Ted Cruz.
*Surprisingly, Dick Cheney is NOT a lizard, because he is a robot.
So, I did some digging to discover whether or not the hot young Mayor from South Bend, Indiana (or so he may want you to believe) is also a member of the scaly stranglehold on planet Earth. Below, you will find the most pertinent factors in deciphering human from reptile.
1. It begins with a name:
Butt-i-gug, Boot-i-jooj, Beetlejuice? Too difficult for human pronunciation.
2. What is a Malta?
“Mayor Pete” wants us to believe that there’s this tiny, gorgeous island nation in the Mediterranean that speaks a Semitic language, was once run by the Knights Templar (who may have been lizards themselves), and was the filming location for many scenes of Game of Thrones? And that it was this island from which his father emigrated to the United States? Bullshit. No such place exists.
3. How many languages?
While his levels of fluency are undetermined, “Mayor Pete” can potentially speak up to 8 languages. No American could possibly speak even half of these many languages. Why would you even need this many languages??
4. Let’s get lost in those eyes:
While green to hazel eyes would render yet another undisputed point for the lizards, I’ve read Buttigieg’s eyes described as “lavender gray” and “ice blue”. I could go either way on this one.
5. Compassion for the Fate of Mankind:
“The presidency is not only a political office or a policy office, it’s a moral office. This is a time we can restore a level of decency to the highest office in the land.”
“Mayor Pete” stands for an end to the death penalty, many climate change initiatives and agreements (Green New Deal, Paris Agreement), public option for healthcare, DACA, bolstering the bargaining power of unions and a federally mandated minimum wage, etc. etc. Appears to care far too much about the fate of Mankind (that’s Humankind if you’re in Canada).
6. What about (1) ESP, (2) UFO connections, or (3) alien contacts?
Nothing in my research revealed anything in the affirmative.
Point: Humans, Humans, & Humans.
7. When asked “Should the government fund space travel?” he responded:
“Yes, and drastically increase NASA’s current budget.”
Lost track of the tally and not sure all of the factors are weighted equally, but I do know this, whether human or lizard, I’m voting for Pete Buttigieg in 2020.
(Better make it to the general election though, because us New Jersey Independents can’t vote in the primaries for some reason…)