HELP! I’m a Vodka-Guy now and I’m Not Sure If I’m Ready for this Lifestyle

By Ben D’Alessio

The saying goes: “Necessity is the mother of invention.” The lesser-known saying (lesser-known because I just made it up) goes: “Pain and suffering is the evil uncle of change.”

For too many a Saturday and/or Sunday morning, I curled up on my couch, the steam from my coffee twirling into the air, as my head pounded and stomach turned over. In my early 20s, “pulling the trigger,” taking a cold shower, and devouring a greasy breakfast was all I needed to defeat the hangover demon — I always pictured him as a goblin-like creature, banging his club against both sides of my skull — and I’d be back out there with the gang, downing fizzy yellow beer and whatever liquor came in a plastic handle.

But I turned 30 two months ago and the gradual deterioration from “feeling like crap” to considering if I could put one of those services that come to your house and hooks you up to an IV drip on retainer made me reconsider my weekends. I even contemplated if those medieval doctors drilling holes in their patients’ heads permitting the winged-demons to fly out were really onto something.